grounding

i leave in about 25 hours. thoughts and moments have been swirling and crashing with an earnest ebb and flow for the past 6 weeks, to the point where i wish the whole moon-forced-earth-squeezing tide would just lift and stir and advance until a great flood would overwhelm and absorb my world to wipe out every last thing of inconsequential value in the face of God's great agenda. is that metaphorically clear enough? talk about the allegorical: i finished 'animal farm' tonight. ug, the terror of mixed, misunderstood motives and equality maligned. the leadership problem and the resources problem and the integrity problem and the lack of truth and abuse of value. selfishness. not at all concepts that've been absent from my mind in yet another life transition. there is an intense longing to struggle for what is right, rooted so deep in my spirit i surely couldn't shake it come flood or fire. american poverty is so it's own beast in a world of povertys and wrongs. am i ready to transition to such a ridiculously different place of learning (learning: instructing and seeking, simultaneously)? regardless, it has been six long weeks in coming and the good-byes have been so poignant i feel as though i've slow-walked through my own wake. one slow, long, clean cut from this life. one fast flight to a blank slate. that will be me (i've prepared mentally): the smiling american engulfed in an introductory moment to Singapore's monstrous hullabaloo. brave? not really. i've some stories about bravery. the courage that I mustered for a 2 second jump off a rope swing far outweighs the courage that it is taking me to move to the direct opposite side of the earth. climb a pile of wooden barrels and GRAB that rope when i jump? geez, i catch my breath thinking about it. changing my currency and figuring out a new mode and route of transportation? (mmm... but this is about real people) the thought causes assured tears, even now preemtively fostering a love for - what - a hundred? young people (classified: students). God so has a heart and a love for people, everywhere. it's not courageous to love them too, it's my job. i signed up for this at the cross.

the only real grounding, ever, for anyone, in all of time, on any journey, whirlwind, fire, or tremor is in the very words of God. real life is found in the whisper. longings for right and good will remain as contexts change, becuase the problems of selfishess and greed and misappropriation will not go away prior Kingdom come. (mmm... lets talk about the complexities of that one, my friends) My hands will always be feeble and the demands for courage too much for me lest I remember the greater reality of forgiveness, of Jesus' blood, of restoration through the cross. seeking the knowledge of God is truly the path i (desire to) walk on. relocating and my swirling thoughts thereof is really nothing new. it is an essential peripherial thing, just like all of the travelling and learning i have ever done has been. what i will do in this next phase of lifetime will surely be reaching into reality, touched by eternity. that's because i'm saved. i'm the recepient of way too much grace to not unrelentlessly place a singular and primary focus on the revelation of Jesus in scripture and the sacred. for this next new same thing, i can't wait.

i'll post when i arrive.